A weird stupid night.

After breaking up with my ex girlfriend I met up with a high school buddy,
to hang out get drunk with etc. Considering my old friends are all gone and
I have no social circle whatsoever, well aside from a few female friends I
have no guy friends (this sucks a lot).

We went to a bar, I reminded myself what a bitch it is to pickup women in this
miserable city called Toronto. My buddy tries his luck on a girl right away, she
brushed him off quickly. I couldnt be bothered to look, it's like you can feel the
inevitable outcome like a car wreck waiting to happen. We left the bar since
everyone seemed to be in groups and there was no single chicks anywhere or
stools to sit on at the bar. Arrived at bar number 2 slightly buzzed and as soon
as we walk in my buddy says "I'm gonna go talk to those two girls" clearly more
drunk than me he fails to notice their weight problem and as he's walking toward
them I try to tell him no but it's already too late.

He talks to them for a while, I'm sitting at the other end of the bar refusing to join them.
He keeps yelling out my name for me to come over, I finally do and I start chit chatting
with one of them trying to decide if I'm drunk enough to fuck a fat chick. Clearly I am
not a considering what my last gf looked like I can't even imagine doing any of them
no matter how drunk I get.

Fast forward a few hours we end up at my place the 3 of them smoking weed on my balcony
minutes after my buddy ends up in the bathroom puking his guts out and passing out on the
floor, I am in high school all over again. The girls sit on my couch and we talk while I play
gta5 3am rolls around and they decide to leave since no one is fucking anyone.

My buddy is passed out on my bed, I make a mental note to tell him to check his beer
goggles before approaching chicks especially fat ones. I run out of beer so I open a
bottle of vodka and drink till I get wasted, I remember feeling such a loss such an open
wound over my last gf. It had such potential I thought she would be it and I wouldn't
have to look further. The best part of any relationship is the first 2-4 months and
all I can think of is wanting to relive that with her all over again.

I hate this shit.

Waiting for the dust to settle....

Broke up with the gf for the 4th time, christ I have never seen anything
like this. Unless you recall that episode of seinfeld where George is 
trying to break up with his girlfriend yet she is trying to save the
relationship, now that was funny. What happened to me for the last
week was not, I said it more than once that I want to end things
she retorts with long emails and texts on how we can fix things.
I don't want to fix things I am done she doesn't get it.
Tonight will mark the day that this will end and she will
realize I do not want to get back together under any circumstances.

Anyway  I am looking forward to the single life once again
and going back to online dating.

A brief history of this new blog..

Back in May this year I met a woman we dated for a while.. things went up
and down we had some fun I can't deny that. After 3 months I broke up
with her via text since I didn't wanna get hurt all over again. A preemptive
strike  if you will, then I went on a date with another woman. I had the high
hopes of it going somewhere good... maybe just a rebound fuck or just a night out.

She ended up being a coke head, so I didn't pursue it further.

I got back together with the same girl from May, wishful thinking led me
to believe things may work out, even though I saw many warning signs
of issues with said relationship.

To make a long story short we got back together, one day I woke up
at her place and she confronts me about the things I wrote on my old
blog.. She asks me how my date went when we were temporarily not
together. I explained it all and how she was not supposed to see it,
how a blog is someone's online diary etc fucking etc... I disabled
the old blog. Again she confronts me and asks why, I tell her it was
a diary and she wasn't supposed to read it. She let it go and quit
asking why blog this why blog that.

3 more months go by, I call her on her bullshit and crazy behavior
I wanted to break up with her that night but due to the fact that she
was sick for a week I figured I can tolerate another week.

Maybe things will turn around said the overly optimistic idiot!

Friday afternoon I wake up with her on top me, not saying anything
I say hi honey etc etc... Then when I reach to kiss her she says no,
you don't deserve to kiss me since you're talking to other girls on
craigslist.

It turns out she unlocked my phone while I was asleep and went
through it like a psychotic jealous freak, not knowing that those
said pics where all porn and all off tumbler. And to add insult
to injury I never cheated on her.

Needless to say she will be out of the picture, first she finds
my blog being the snoop detective that she is next she invades
my phone..

I had enough, I hope no one goes through something like
this... it's one hell of a mindfuck.

You asked for this.

It's funny how I spent nearly 6 years single, jumping through one night stands
and temporary girlfriends. Short lived relationship and drunken nights
wondering what to do with my life. I stayed up late watching netflix
longing for new friendships as my high school friends slowly deteriorated
and become non existent. I don't believe in religion or prayer or what
have you. But I asked for it I wished for it, I wished I would meet a woman
that I could spend my life with maybe just maybe have a happy life, whatever
that means.. *laff*..

And now nearly 7 months later she's here, she's not perfect and we get along
( for the most part ) but after being alone for so long it's hard to adjust to
having someone in your life, especially when she wants to spend every waking
minute every weekend with you.

I miss being able to get drunk and smoke however much I want without having
anyone breathing down my neck about this that or whatever...

I feel trapped, can't live with her can't live without her, can't dump her
since I'll never find another like her.

I dream of the day that the stress pill comes into the pharmaceutical market.